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June 22, 2022

Question from a stepmum: Why does my partner find it so difficult to support me when I discipline his stepchild for not doing their chores?

 

Why does my partner find it so difficult to support me when I discipline his stepchild for not doing their chores? We all sat down and agreed who was going to do what chore and pinned it to the fridge so everyone would know what their chore is. It makes me feel so undervalued as I finish up by doing the chore to keep the peace.

 

 

It’s possible your partner has Parent Guilt; they may feel uneasy about pushing their child to do something they don’t want to do for fear of upsetting them.

 

Sometimes parents blame themselves for the marriage break up and feel guilty about enforcing something that their child doesn’t want to do.

 

If this happens quite often then you really need to stop doing the chore for your stepchild as I feel they will be thinking that if they don’t do it then you will. It’s like a get out clause of not doing the chore as I they know you will want to keep the peace and not get into an argument about it.

 

My first point would be to discuss with your partner why they are not supporting you when the child is not doing the agreed chore.

 

Tell your partner how it makes you feel and that you feel undervalued. Your feelings are just as important as everyone else’s and you should feel supported.

 

Is there a consequence if said child does not complete this chore? If there is no consequence, then I would suggest agreeing one with your partner and enforcing it together with your partner.

 

Let the child know that if their chore is not completed by a said time then they lose their phone or computer until the chore is done.

 

Be consistent and united on all fronts and you will see a difference in how your child reacts to their responsibilities and your values will then be met by your partner which in turn adds to a healthy relationship for you both.

 

I wish you well and good luck.